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What’s up, my Cheddfriends? Plenty of news today in addition to the fact that America has provided the world with the next Pope…

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Amen,

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

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What’s in the US–UK trade deal?

I was born in England, and in my opinion the only things worth buying from there are 1. comedy 2. music 3. pork pies 4. Scotch eggs and 5. Cadbury’s chocolate. Also 6. Range Rovers. 7. Vintage Jaguars. 8. Some beer. 9. Stilton cheese and 10. an education from one of their rather more rigorous universities, but not the one I went to.

Sadly only number 6 is included in the U.S.–U.K. trade pact unveiled yesterday, touted as “historic” and, dare we say, “a great deal for America” but doing nothing for my consumption of processed pork products at knockdown prices.

That’s right. Don’t get too excited — turns out, it’s more of a symbolic handshake than a groundbreaking economic triumph, as one economist politely implied by calling it “fine-tuning around the edges” rather than a broader solution to the trade war.

So, what’s actually in this “historic” agreement? Well, U.K. steel exports won’t have to deal with 25% tariffs anymore, and America gets greater access to British beef. Exciting stuff! Although if there’s one thing America already has plenty of, it’s beef.

U.K. ethanol tariffs are getting slashed, too, up to 1.4 billion liters. Meanwhile, British carmakers can enjoy reduced tariffs but only for up to 100,000 cars. Some things remain untouched, like the U.K.'s digital services tax that irritates U.S. tech giants. But lifting duties on airplane engines and wine is “historic,” right?

More importantly, our negotiators can wave the deal in China’s face in Geneva this weekend. Ni hao!

Bill Gates on giving away the remainder of his wealth

Bill Gates — the benevolent tech wizard turned full-time philanthropist — is once again gracing us with tales of his relentless generosity. Gates plans to give away 99% of his remaining fortune to the Gates Foundation. Before you shed a tear, don’t worry, there’s “still a little bit more that goes to the kids" and just enough left to ensure he won’t ever have to skip brunch. A true hero.

“I hope other people wallop me,” Gates humbly declares, as though his dozen or so rival billionaires are vying for the gold medal in benevolence. He also encourages the rich to “pay more taxes,” “save more lives,” and “give more money.” Bold words for a man who still has “just a bit over $100 billion outside of the foundation.”

Gates assures us that his wealth will all be spent within 20 years, which, to be fair, is progressive for a foundation. Many of these organizations essentially exist to pay their staff in perpetuity, in my experience.

“Many of these diseases will be eradicated,” he claims optimistically, talking about malaria and polio, although perhaps forgetting we’re still debating vaccines and public health funding.

Meanwhile, Gates revels in “second-guessing critics” and pleads for more feedback. I’ve got some for him, actually, if he’s really interested to hear it.

Today on the ‘gram: The deeply dishy Pope

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