Also: grip strength and retail therapy
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I was getting lonely. Here’s what happened when I tried to make new friends in my 30s | The Guardian

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Well Actually - The Guardian
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I was getting lonely. Here’s what happened when I tried to make new friends in my 30s

From streaming services to food-delivery apps, the modern world conspires to keep us home and alone. But I went out looking for a human connection

Madeleine Aggeler Madeleine Aggeler
 

Are you feeling lonely? Experts say the global loneliness epidemic poses a serious threat to the health of individuals and societies. But how does one actually go about combatting loneliness?

Dylan B Jones wrote about trying to make new friends in his 30s. Doing so requires more effort than it might have a few decades ago, he argues, because the conveniences of modern life make it easier than ever to isolate oneself. “Streaming services and food-delivery apps discourage us from going out,” he writes. “It’s almost as if they want to keep us single and friendless.”

The good news: socializing isn’t rocket science. “You don’t necessarily need complicated tactics or new hobbies or psychological instruction to improve your social life,” Jones says. His approach was multi-pronged but simple:

• Make an effort with strangers. Jones attempted what he calls “Americans’ wonderful, fearless way of socializing.” As an American, I’d say this approach has mixed success, and that’s what Jones found too. He built a nice rapport with a doorman in his neighborhood, but a taciturn croissant maker wasn’t as open to chatting.
• Reconnect with an ex. This might not be for everyone, Jones says, but whatever drew you together in the first place could be the basis for a beautiful friendship later.
• Join a club. Jones joined a kayaking group and experienced a “rush of serotonin” at finding a “cheap, non-alcohol-focused, low-stress, low-effort social activity”.
• Solidify acquaintances. Social media can isolate us, but also makes it easier than ever to connect with people we’ve briefly crossed paths with. Try asking that cool person you once met at a housewarming if they’d like to get a coffee.

As for what to discuss, try sharing some (healthy) gossip – experts say it can strengthen and create bonds

Read the full story here.

Health & wellbeing

Man hanging from rings

How strong is your grip? Not your grip on reality (mine is slipping). I mean your hand strength: the grip that enables you to pull up your pants, turn a key in a lock and hold a baby. As Phil Daoust writes in his latest Fit for ever column, grip strength “offers an immediate insight into your health”. One study found that a weak grip was a better indicator of all-cause mortality than blood pressure. You can strengthen your grip in a number of ways:

• Wring a wet towel. Use both hands and twist it in both directions to strengthen the forearm and hand flexor muscles.
• Hold a heavy book between your fingers and thumb. See how long you can hold it in this “pinch grip” position.
• Dead hangs. Try holding onto a bar and hanging for as long as you can. It’s hard!

Read the full story here.

 

Betsy Reed

Editor, Guardian US

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I hope you appreciated this newsletter. Before you move on, I wanted to ask whether you could support the Guardian’s journalism as we face the unprecedented challenges of covering the second Trump administration.

As Trump himself observed: “The first term, everybody was fighting me. In this term, everybody wants to be my friend.”

He’s not entirely wrong. All around us, media organizations have begun to capitulate. First, two news outlets pulled election endorsements at the behest of their billionaire owners. Next, prominent reporters bent the knee at Mar-a-Lago. And then a major network – ABC News – rolled over in response to Trump’s legal challenges and agreed to a $16m million settlement in his favor.

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Advice & perspectives

A woman sitting in a lounge chair at home relaxing with her eyes closed. She is holding a hot drink and listening to music on headphones.

When I feel stressed, I convince myself I am one purchase away from inner peace. So I loved reading psychotherapist Moya Sarner’s story about a £100 (about $136) hairbrush she desired for months. Then she realized she doesn’t really use a hairbrush. Spending money – or thinking about spending money – can be a way to self-soothe, she explains. When you catch yourself doing this, ask yourself what emotion you’re trying to avoid. Then, try to sit with it. “Perhaps we all need to develop a capacity to bear our distress and to realize that we can survive it and grow through it,” she writes. I’m still hopeful there’s a top out there that can turn everything around for me.

Read the full story here.

Relationships

illustration of grey cat with red lip stains on furn

In the latest You be the judge, Darryl says that he’s grossed out when his partner, Georgia, tries to kiss him after kissing their cat. He sees the cat “roll around in poo in our garden”, and doesn’t want germs all over him. Georgia says she kisses the cat about 20 times a day, and that she doesn’t want to wash her face after every smooch. “I kiss her so much that my skin would get dry.”

Readers were torn. Sophie, 70, said: “Kissing a pet is unhygienic,” while Neil, 49, wrote: “I wouldn’t spurn my partner’s affections, be they pre- or post-feline.” What do you think? Sorry, I didn’t hear you – I was kissing my cat.

Read the full story here.