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If you're a people-pleaser, this might help. You already know that time is limited and you can't do everything—but you still struggle to say no to every request that comes your way.
You understand the concept of boundaries. Maybe you’ve even practiced “saying no” in your head. But when someone actually asks you for something—especially if they seem to really need your help—all that knowledge goes out the window.
This happens because most advice focuses on the mechanics of saying no, not the mindset behind it. We're told to "just say no" or "set boundaries," but we're not given a framework for why saying no is often in everyone’s best interest.
So here's a different approach: instead of asking "How can I say no?" start by asking "What's the cost of saying yes?"
What will you no longer be able to do?
What time and energy will you give away?
Does taking on another commitment get you closer to the goals you already have?
Simply put:
What is the cost of saying yes?
An example: a colleague asks you to help with their presentation this weekend. The cost of saying yes is you'll miss your planned rest time, feel stressed about your own deadline on Monday, and likely do lower-quality work on both projects. Suddenly, saying no doesn't feel selfish—it feels responsible.
When you say yes to something you don't have capacity for, you're not actually helping anyone. You're setting yourself up to be stressed, potentially resentful, and less effective. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is say no.
P.S. Another way to think of it: Instead of "Can I do this?" ask "Should I do this?"
See also
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