England navigate The Tunnel with ease in a Royal Rumble that never was

Well, that was rather straightforward. This was built up as a brutal, menacing encounter, England entering the furnace of the Rajko Mitic Stadium and forced to navigate The Tunnel, the venue’s 240-metre long quirk – labelled as “terrifying” by one of the tabloids; “not so agreeable” by the more reasonable Thomas Tuchel. Chuck in Tuchel’s readiness to embrace the enduring spirit of Rory Delap and you would have expected a Royal Rumble in Belgrade, the visitors unlikely to look all that pretty in pursuit of victory.

Yet England sparkled in their 5-0 rollicking of Serbia, turning a potentially thunderous night into a Sunday morning walkabout. They peppered more than 20 shots at goal, had possession hovering close to 70% and produced one particularly beautiful move: Morgan Rogers’ first-time flick was the perfect accompaniment to Noni Madueke’s burst into the middle for the second goal, confirming the direction of the evening. They moved on from the laser pen directed at Ezri Konsa while another, more serious scene took place in the stands: the ire directed by home supporters at the government and the arrival of riot police.

But, hey, let us retreat to our bubble. For Tuchel, this was another reminder of how it goes. Ninety glorious minutes have provided him proper love from Big Website and others, rounding off a summer that began with a 1-0 win over Andorra and a friendly defeat by Senegal, when he may well have clocked the toxicity that comes with this rather thankless job. Heading into the encounter with Serbia he had four wins from four competitive matches, not a goal conceded. Yet the demand was for more thrills, the same way Gareth Southgate was constantly ordered to Release The Handbrake, even when aesthetics are overrated in the short-sharp world of international football. This victory provides Tuchel some breathing space before the next inevitable and confected crisis.

England look on for a trip to USA USA USA but the World Cup dream is pretty much over for the Republic of Ireland, who suffered the embarrassment of a 2-1 qualifying defeat by Armenia, 45 places below them in the world rankings. “After this performance it’s difficult to be optimistic that we will go to Portugal [their next qualifier] and win,” sniffed manager Heimir Hallgrimsson to RTE, not intent on trying to add any spin to the showing. Asked what went wrong, he replied: “Almost everything.” It is 23 years since their last trip to the biggest show and the wait goes on. Solace will have to be found in Saipan, the upcoming film detailing the Roy Keane v Mick McCarthy fallout in 2002, a prelude to their run to the knockout stages. Here’s to an award-winning performance by Steve Coogan.

I like to say that people who go to the stadium are lucky enough to just come to see a show and not know what goes on behind the scenes. Honestly, if I didn’t have this passion, the world of football would have disgusted me a long time ago” – Kylian Mbappé, there, sounding like he’s all out of love with the beautiful game at the grand old age of 26..

It’s great to see that Tommy Tuchel has finally found what he was looking for … an opponent worse than Andorra. By the way, as well as finding out that Only Fools and Horses was extremely popular in Serbia, perhaps it might be worth Big Website tapping up its Serbia expert to also explain why they have frequently been so much worse than Croatia despite having a population that is 70% larger?” – Noble Francis.

Regarding Kev’s letter in yesterday’s Football Daily: if we are referencing sit-coms in Australia, look no further than the late 80s. Although I’m not sure if Forest are about to get their ‘Acropolis Now’ or ‘Apocalypse Now’ moment. Should be entertaining either way” – David Bell.

England were pretty good last night, so heaven knows why I was so absorbed with the pitch-side advertising. I wonder when ‘the UK’s #1 piles treatment’was last promoted at a match in Serbia? With perfect timing, the ad popped up (out?) straight after Harry Kane made himself a pain in the collective Serbian @rses by scoring the opener” – Phil Taverner.

Regarding Ange Postecoglou’s record of second-season heroics, can we expect a trophy next year or does he need two full seasons to win something?” – Craig Limesand.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Phil Taverner. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

They think it’s Moldova, it surely is now. An almighty Air Miles World Cup qualifying hammering for the Eastern European minnows saw Erling Haaland dish out the thrashing with five goals and two assists for Norway, though Thelo Aasgaard, once of Luton, now a traveller on Russell Martin’s Rangers love train, came on after 64 minutes and smashed in four goals. Liverpool-born Aasgaard, son of a cellist, is yet to score for the Gers. Haaland meanwhile, was clearly full of fire after a swinging luggage door on the team bus gave him a busted lip. He’s now on 48 goals in 45 caps, and Italy’s chances of catching Norway on goal difference are surely in the ragu.

The former Premier League referee David Coote has been charged with making an indecent image of a child. The 43-year-old is due to appear at Nottingham magistrates court on Thursday.

Omar Marmoush will miss the Manchester derby after injuring a knee during Egypt’s draw with Burkina Faso. And he may be out for a long time.

Big Ange is alongside Big Evange at Nottingham Forest and the club has been trumpeting his arrival. “Postecoglou arrives on Trentside with a host of footballing experience and trophies behind him as the club’s ambitious journey continues,” roared a press release. Insert joke, now as hoary as Methuselah, about Postecoglou’s second season and Championship trophy here.

Craig Bellamy did Craig Bellamy things after Jesse Marsch celebrated Canada’s 1-0 win against Wales before the final whistle had blown. “I hope I see you at the World Cup. I hope I see you again,’” growled Bellamy before purring in the direction of Marsch: “But I have to also be gracious [and] thank Jesse. I don’t want to get used to it but I have to take it on the chin.”

Brazil continue to be rubbish, despite Carlo Ancelotti being in charge. Bolivia clinched a playoff place with a win in La Paz as the selecao dropped into fifth out of 10. “Today was a difficult game, both technically and physically,” wailed Ancelotti, pleading altitude rather than attitude.

And the records continue to fall to Cristiano Ronaldo. This week he scored for the 39th time in World Cup qualifying matches, making him joint-highest ever scorer alongside Guatemala MLS legend Carlos “The Little Fish” Ruiz and, most importantly, three ahead of Lionel Messi.

Barney Ronay was at the Rajko Mitic Stadium to watch England’s drubbing of Serbia and ponders whether Thomas Tuchel’s big moment has finally arrived, while Jacob Steinberg hands out the player ratings. Have a look here, unless your name is Nikola Milenkovic.

Ivan Toney: “If Al-Ahli were in the Premier League, we’d give it a good go and we’d be close to the top four.” The former Brentford striker gets his exclusive chat on with John Duerden.

Ange Postecoglou has a point to prove, writes John Duerden, with unfinished business in Europe after his Spurs sacking.

Michael Yokhin reports on Dynamo Kyiv fans’ anger after signing Vladislav Blanuta who shared post by Russian propagandist.

Paul MacInnes speaks to TV host Roman Kemp who explains how a new Premier League initiative can help to end the taboo around mental health issues.

And which teams have worn parts of three different kits in the same match? The Knowledge knows.

28 April 1923: there were a lot of hats on show outside Wembley as fans arrived to watch the FA Cup final between Bolton Wanderers and West Ham United. The official attendance for the game was 126,047 but it is estimated a more realistic figure was 200,000, making it one of the largest crowds in football history.