I stopped telling ‘little white lies’ for two weeks. This is what I learned

I recently undertook a major self-improvement project: I stopped lying for two weeks.

Specifically, I stopped fibbing when declining invitations. I don’t lie otherwise – although I’d understand if you didn’t believe me – but had long felt it was more polite to invent an excuse than say I felt too drained, for example.

A lot of people lie when declining invitations in order to “soften the blow”, says etiquette expert Elaine Swann. But being honest with our friends is more important, she says.

Lying is a slippery slope. It can quickly become a habit that erodes our trust in others as well as ourselves, says psychotherapist Matt Lundquist. The stress of lying also takes a toll. (It gives me a stomachache.)

Experts acknowledge that lying makes things easier in some situations. If you don’t want to go to dinner because you hate your friend’s partner, it’s probably more stressful to tell the truth than to say you already have plans. These are known as “social lubricant” lies.

Am I done lying for good? I’ll probably still dabble in the occasional prevarication. But honesty really does seem like the best policy. Who knew!

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Have you noticed the uptick in advertisements for whole-body deodorants and thought, “What?” As Lucy Knight writes, the number of these products on the market has exploded since 2018, when an American ob-gyn launched Lume whole body deodorant “after repeatedly seeing patients who were worried about odours ‘below the belt’”. But for most people, they’re not necessary. “Human bodies are designed to sweat, and in most cases it’s healthy and normal,” says anatomy professor Michelle Spear. And while these products are generally safe, they’re not cheap.

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For most people, posing naked in front of a group of strangers sounds like a stress dream. But this week, five life models share how it has empowered them and made them feel at peace with their bodies. “I volunteered, because for more than 40 years, I had hated my body,” one man said. When he disrobed, he expected people to laugh. But the room was calm. He has now been life modeling for eight years, and says he feels stronger every time he does it: “like another piece of me has been repaired”.

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A 56-year-old widow tells Pamela Stephenson Connolly that her new partner won’t give her oral sex, and it’s making her feel paranoid. “I love pleasuring him, but when he doesn’t reciprocate I feel disrespected,” she says. She wants to stop giving him oral sex, and is considering ending the relationship. That’s not necessary, says Connolly. “Different people have different sexual preferences,” she says. She suggests having more conversations that bring them closer together. “True intimacy involves sharing who you both truly are in a sexual and non-sexual context.”

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