Coffee and TV: Jamie Vardy’s trip to Italy would make a fine documentary

It was fitting that Jamie Vardy was given an audience at the Violin Museum in Cremona, because at least they had access to a very small one to play for the striker about having to finish his career in picturesque Lombardy rather than the East Midlands. He is also a classical showman but, aged 38, some suspect that the former England international is a spent force. Vardy has been doubted from Stocksbridge Park Steels to the Champions League, though, and has always delivered. “It is up to me to disprove the predictions,” he chirped. “Age is just a number. I always listen to my legs. At the moment I still feel great. During my whole career I have been underestimated and I worked to prove everyone wrong, and I have succeeded in doing that.”

It is fitting that a man from Sheffield has joined a club owned by a man who makes his money in the metal industry. Vardy is not the first English player to think he can show the Italians how to run in behind. Cremonese will hope he can be more successful than the likes of Danny Dichio and Franz Carr. A willingness to learn the language will be important for Vardy, so he can follow more in the footsteps of David Platt and Paul Gascoigne. The former was fluent, ticking off Bari, Sampdoria and Juventus over a four-year period. With the best will in the world, Vardy is unlikely to be banging them in come 2029. What he could do, however, is follow Platt and Gazza’s lead by opening his arms and doors to the television cameras. No one has ever expected Vardy to make a great access-all-areas documentary, so this is surely his chance. The Englishman could show James Richardson how to make a basic pasta dish, take part in a sketch involving a goat anecdote or at the very least invite Elvis Costello to give his verdict on Vardy’s move: a Brilliant Mistake or just Beyond Belief.

Documenting Vardy’s life in northern Italy would be fascinating as he adapts to playing abroad for the first time, swapping the Skittles for torrone, Red Bull for espresso and Marsala wine for the port. Throw into the mix Vardy’s wife, Rebekah, and The Last Dance will be quaking in its Air Jordans.

This has the potential to be a TV extravaganza. Cremonese are third in Serie A with two wins in as many games after promotion, including a 2-1 shoeing of Milan at San Siro. Vardy has joined a team on the up and could make his debut on Monday at Verona, potentially playing alongside Benito Mussolini’s great grandson, Floriani. Vardy has already been given the nickname “StradiVardy” thanks to his new home city’s links to the violin. If he can mix banging in the goals with learning the art of the strings and bow, the possibilities are endless. “The main task is making sure we stay in the league, and that’s how it was when I was at Leicester,” Vardy boomed, leaving out the ending. For the sake of everyone, the final evolution of his career needs to be televised.

“Everywhere I go I feel pressure as a refugee, like I always need to identify myself. I accept that I am a refugee, but I had to leave my country, I had to start again and I just want people to understand what we go through as refugees. I shouldn’t have to tell my story over and over again” – Elaha Safdari, a goalkeeper from Afghanistan who was evacuated to the UK when the Taliban returned, talks to Suzanne Wrack about her struggles finding a team and being accepted in Britain.

“Your mention of Ireland surely failing to qualify for yet another World Cup and the consolation of watching Saipan [yesterday’s Daily] got me thinking. Any chance of Steve Coogan taking the Republic job and the present manager going back to his first love of dentistry?” – Patrick Fahy.

‘The more money you have, the more problems you have’ insists Kylian Mbappé [yesterday’s Quote of the Day], a footballer ‘disgusted’ by the industry that earns him a salary of over €31m a year plus bonuses, while suing his former club for €55m. The latter figure is equivalent to the GDP of the Pacific nation of Tuvalu. I’m comfortable with either a stuffed brown envelope or cheque in the post if he ever wishes to ease his sorrows” – Martin Clifford.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Patrick Fahy. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Chelsea are expecting to be hit with a substantial financial sanction for transfer misdemeanours, after the Football Association charged them with 74 breaches of its rules relating to the use of football agents. The charges relate to the period between 2009 to 2022 when the club were owned by Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich, and primarily relates to events which occurred between the 2010-11 and 2015-16 seasons.

In a statement, Chelsea said that their new ownership group, BlueCo, “became aware of potentially incomplete financial reporting and other potential breaches of FA rules” prior to completing their takeover and “self-reported these matters to all relevant regulators … immediately upon the completion of the purchase. We will continue working collaboratively with the FA to conclude this matter as swiftly as possible,” the statement added. “We wish to place on record our gratitude to the FA for their engagement with the Club on this complex case, the focus of which has been on matters that took place over a decade ago.”

Ash Thompson, Sheffield United’s women’s head coach, has been suspended from his duties for reasons unknown, Tom Garry reports exclusively.

Former Premier League referee David Coote has pleaded not guilty to making an indecent image of a child.

The EFL are in talks over adding an eliminator round to the Championship playoffs, increasing the number of participants from four to six. Six teams, Jez? That’s insane.

Thomas Tuchel has pledged to be brave enough to omit big names if it’s in England’s interests. “The competition for places is on,” he roared.

Jamie Carragher is the latest recipient of Athletic Bilbao’s “one-club man” award, given to a player who … well, you get the idea. “After winning [Big Cup], being a one-club man is the biggest achievement of my career,” Carragher cheered.

Nature is healing: West Ham have taken the unusual step of banning half-and-half scarves for the London derby against Tottenham.

Ange Postecoglou has solemnly vowed to take Nottingham Forest back to their “rightful place” (whether that’s Big Cup or the Championship, only time will tell) before adding on Thursday that he knew Tottenham would sack him in advance of their Bigger Vase triumph in Bilbao. “There isn’t a Spurs supporter that I don’t come across now that doesn’t want to hug me and take me home for dinner, so I must have done something right,” sniffed the Australian.

Celtic fans will step up their bid for boardroom change with a late entry protest at Kilmarnock on Sunday to “further visualise and vocalise fan discontent,” according to a joint statement from supporters’ groups.

And former Chelsea player Steve Sidwell thinks José Mourinho gave him the No 9 shirt as part of “mind games” with the board. “He wanted money to buy a striker, they didn’t give him it, so he’s thought ‘I’ll give the No 9 to this free transfer from Reading’,” Sidwell told Sky Sports.

Barcelona’s women’s team have emerged as one of Europe’s best sides, but the constant lever-pulling and financial turmoil affecting the men’s team has started to spill over. With six players leaving this summer, Alex Ibaceta wonders if the golden era might be over already in the latest edition of our sister newsletter.

Barney Ronay has some bad news for Keir Starmer after England’s drubbing of Serbia, as an off-key trumpet starts parping “Seven Nation Army”.

Jonathan Liew assesses the prospect of competitive matches in La Liga and Serie A being played abroad, and has a few concerns.

The new Asian Champions League Elite shuts out 35 countries and will have fewer surprises as a result, writes John Duerden.

From boring to roaring: Harry Paterson explains how David Moyes revitalised Everton (clue: Jack Grealish).

And transfers are still happening: Josh Brownhill has left Burnley for Al-Shabab. More on that and the last of the summer spending in our interactive guide.

On Sunday, Southampton host Portsmouth in the Championship, the first south coast derby in almost six years. Let’s take a trip back to January 2005, when Pompey fans made their feelings clear after Harry Redknapp left to take the Southampton job. Redknapp’s new side won this FA Cup encounter at St Mary’s, but Portsmouth got revenge in the league, winning 4-1 at Fratton Park as the Saints went down.