| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I’m the child who never does any elder care whatsoever, and I’m a common theme in your columns. I, the daughter, leave everything for my brother to do. On purpose. When we were kids, my parents made it clear my brother, the firstborn son and firstborn grandson, was the favorite. I had to hear about how he had potential, smarts, looks and the ability to accomplish anything. Me? Well, I was there. They paid for his house, not mine. His wife gets better treatment than I ever did, and his kids get love, time and attention from my parents, whereas mine get the same physical and behavioral “corrections” I always got as a kid. During estate planning, my parents cut me out, despite the fact I’m a trust and estates attorney, and my brother does everything: estate planning, financial adviser, unofficial legal counsel, and medical and legal power of attorney. Even though he’s a tech exec, my parents are convinced he knows more than I do. As my parents’ health declines, my brother is getting more and more overwhelmed and annoyed with me. I see it like this: He got a very nice boost in life, which is reflected in his success, and he is power of attorney, so he’s getting paid to handle these issues. He can outsource if he wants. My parents made subtle comments that I’m getting nothing anyway because he’s the eldest son. So in addition to getting paid, my brother will be inheriting several million dollars, and he has zero history of sharing anything with me. I ignore their calls and pleas for help. I’ve told them my conscience is clear, but is there anything extra I can say? I’ve only ever seen my brother’s side in advice columns but never mine. — I Refuse Read your responses to this week’s reader question We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Column Carolyn Hax and Haben Kelati | | | |
