| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My otherwise lovely and companionable hubby has serious issues concerning vacations. We make a comfortable income and are not in debt beyond our mortgage or car payment. Every year, he goes on several personal weekends away but says these aren’t vacations because they’re part of his hobby. Last year, after I begged to go to the beach, he ruined the trip for me in multiple ways. The guilt I felt for our even going at all, knowing he didn’t want to, added to the sourness. We just had another major fight about vacations. We’ve been married 15 years, never traveled abroad, never gone away for more than four days anywhere. He earns substantially more than I, making me dependent on him for getaways. Multiple times, including the recent fight, he has said, “Why do you think you deserve a vacation?” It’s a stumper. I don’t know how to say I deserve one without sounding entitled and privileged. I also don’t know why it has to be justified. We’re stuck in a small rural city (I moved to where he lived when we married) and I’m bored, isolated and hungry for more in the world, but without exception, he tries to make me feel bad for wanting any time away. He’s not a workaholic, is diligent about saving and traveled the world before our marriage (and took two quasi-business trips to India during it). I feel so belittled, shamed and increasingly worthless in having to justify the tiniest jaunts, to say nothing of wishing for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to, say, Scotland or Switzerland, two places that call to me deeply. Do vacations need to be deserved in some way that I’m not seeing? I have my own micro business, which has grown but is still not a big earner, making solo getaways hard to manage, especially since hubby also requires that I pay substantial medical bills for cancer on my own. Any thoughts? — Wanderlust Denied Answer this week’s reader question Here's your chance to channel your inner Carolyn Hax and respond to a reader question. | 
