| Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I come from fairly different backgrounds. His family is well-off and very liberal (they’ve even joined some of the recent protests) and all have advanced degrees. My family is poorer and more conservative, and my bachelor’s degree is the most advanced degree anyone in my family has ever attained. My family isn’t racist or prejudiced at heart, but they can be low-information on news topics, and a lot of the information they do have comes from dubious sources like Facebook, so sometimes they aren’t well-informed — and their opinions reflect that. When I go to visit my family, my boyfriend often finds excuses not to come along, but I always go with him to visit his. I’m planning a visit next month, and he is once again “too busy” to go, though I’ll be going to spend four days with his parents for Thanksgiving. When I told my mom he wasn’t coming, she asked me if he doesn’t like them. They always roll out the red carpet for him when he visits, cooking special food, etc. They definitely try, whereas he doesn’t. I asked him if there’s a problem with my family, and he said he’s not as comfortable with my family as I am with his, and he doesn’t feel like that’s ever going to change. He does avoid contradicting or arguing with them when they say stuff that bothers him, but I think it would help him see the other side of them if he’d get to know them better. Can we go the distance with him feeling this way? — Two Families |
