| We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below. Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law is laid-back in ways that make spending time with her horrifically uncomfortable for me. At a recent family wedding, my husband and I got off a transcontinental flight to a slew of texts from her asking us to show up to an “informal drinks party” we hadn’t heard about beforehand. It was not an “informal drinks party”; it was the black-tie rehearsal dinner. To which we had not been invited. I wanted to die. A few years ago, she pressured me into planning a joint Thanksgiving with her and my parents at her house. We arrived to find she’d invited 10 other people we didn’t know. Husband and I had to work out how to make the food stretch on the fly, and the stress ruined my holiday. The latest incident was last week: She was staying with us for a few days, and I arrived home from a medical appointment to find she’d invited a friend, whom I’d never met before, over for dinner. I’d been ill for weeks, so the house was a mess, and I’d planned to have cheese and crackers for dinner. My mother-in-law barely got through explaining that “[friend] doesn’tcare what the house looks like” before I started crying, and my husband asked them to leave. My husband says his mother is stubborn and extremely self-centered, and we should assume she’ll never change. His solution has been to reduce interactions with her: We don’t do joint holidays anymore, we don’t go to restaurants with her (because I can’t stand the way she treats the wait staff), and now he wants to ban her from staying with us. But the thing is, I do love her and want to spend time with her! I’m just so sick of being treated like her approach to life is “right,” and my concept of politeness is inconvenient. Do I have any right to request some basic good manners, or is this a nonstarter? — Laid-back’s Victim On a recent Post Reports episode, Carolyn gives some holiday season advice. | 
