Insecure leaders are common in organizations, with insecurity typically driven by anxiety or avoidance. Their behaviors can distort communication, undermine collaboration, and burden teams. Use the 3R framework—regulate, relate, reason—to shift the dynamic and lead the relationship forward.
Regulate. Insecurity distorts thinking. Before offering solutions, help the other person feel safe. Anxious leaders need calm, steady communication; don’t dismiss their concerns or mirror their urgency. Avoidant leaders prefer structure and space; keep it direct and unemotional. Your tone, pacing, and presence matter more than your message at this stage.
Relate. Once calm is established, build trust through consistent, respectful engagement. Anxious leaders respond to regular check-ins and inclusive language. Avoidant leaders prefer clear roles and emotionally neutral interactions. Match your communication style to their needs without compromising your own.
Reason. Invite collaboration, not control. Only after regulation and connection can logic land. With anxious leaders, reduce ambiguity and document decisions. With avoidant leaders, present options and data to support autonomy. In both cases, frame your input as a partnership, not a challenge to their authority. |
