Deciding whether to have kids is a big decision. It’s one that many Americans are deferring or opting out of altogether. According to 2025 data from the U.S. Census Bureau, childlessness among women ages 25 to 29 grew from about 50% in 2014 to 63% in 2024. And fertility rates in the U.S. are continuing to decline.

But the question of starting a family is never just about “baby or no baby,” says Merle Bombardieri, a psychotherapist and author of the 1981 book The Baby Decision, who has been counseling people on the topic for nearly 50 years.

She says it’s about understanding your identity as a person, as a couple and answering the question, “What hasn't happened yet that we want to have happen before we die?"

It can be tough to make a judgment call when you and your partner aren’t on the same page or are on the fence. Or maybe you’re thinking of having a baby on your own.

In a recent interview, Life Kit reporter Andee Tagle asked Bombardieri for advice on how to minimize regret in this process. Here are some insights from their conversation.  

More Life Kit on making big decisions 

6 tips for making a career change, from someone who has done it. Making a career switch can be daunting — but it's doable. Audio producer Keisha "TK" Dutes breaks down how she made her own switch, and how you can too.  

Considering marriage? Ask your partner these questions first. These conversation starters get at the heart of your values, including how you deal with conflict, your attitude toward gender roles and your relationship with money.

A smarter way to pick the right college. When deciding between colleges, it can be tempting to let prestige guide your choice. But so many factors go into finding the right fit: research opportunities, campus extracurriculars, social life, specific classes or programs, and of course, very real financial considerations. In this episode, higher education journalist Jeffrey Selingo, author of Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You, outlines what students and parents should consider when choosing a school.

A surprising trick to making hard choices? Try thinking less. The tactic may seem counterintuitive, but it can help you make tough decisions faster and with more confidence, says decision coach Nell Wulfhart.