| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Recently, my two teen sons have talked to me about what they feel was a traumatic childhood because their father, who struggles with emotional dysregulation, was at times volatile and angry. They cite specific incidents and say they are not sure they will want to remain in contact once they are grown. I recall these incidents, too, and I am not surprised they were distressing to my boys. I did my best at the time, and I frequently intervened. Still, I was a bit surprised at the intensely negative way they see their dad. I didn’t say that because I fear it sounds like gaslighting; maybe these experiences really were much more traumatic than I realized. Maybe their dad is a much more abusive person than I realized. I feel disoriented by their disclosure — worried they will see me as having stood by and allowed it. Worried the man I am married to is an abuser. How do I process this? — Worried Read your responses to this week’s reader question We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Column Carolyn Hax and Haben Kelati | | | | 
