| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been married almost 20 years and have two teens. I have been helping our younger teen (“Izzy,” 16) get diagnosed for ADHD. Last fall, just after we got a prescription for ADHD medication, my husband told Izzy that I drank alcohol during pregnancy and that they might want to consider fetal alcohol spectrum disorder as a cause of the ADHD. I did not find out about this conversation until about 10 days later, when they both confronted me. Izzy looked up FAS/FASD and was convinced they had it. I did drink very lightly during both pregnancies. I waited until the halfway point and would drink about a half a glass of wine over a 24-hour period — occasionally a beer. FAS is associated with heavy and/or binge drinking, which has never been an issue for me. I explained this to Izzy — doing my best to find balance between validating their feelings and suggesting that correlation is not causation. I also apologized. I wrote all of this to Izzy’s doctor, and she responded, “Well, regardless of the cause, we treat ADHD the same.” Izzy and I have done okay rebuilding our relationship, but my husband won’t let it go. This week, he said that what is missing is my “atonement.” We are not fundamentalists! Other issues before this include his not being accepting that Izzy is nonbinary, although, to his credit, he was loving and supportive in getting them counseling. In my view, he is judgmental, nothing is ever good enough, and he has no chill. It seems he is trying to vilify me and keep me in a corner. I am fairly sure I need to end the marriage. What do you think? — Blamed | 
