In 20-year marriage, are thoughtless habits here to stay?
Dear Carolyn: It really feels like my husband and I love each other dearly, daily. He does manykind, loving, wonderful things. Married 20 years, both of our spouses died, and we met on a dating site 22 years ago.
Husband sets long-worn outdoor shoes on the kitchen island where we often eat, despite my asking him please not to do that. Husband plants his feet one at a time on our antique dumbwaiter to tie his shoes,in spite ofmy asking him not to because I am concerned about the pressure on the old furniture. Husband is driving on the freeway and cuts off the car on the ramp. Husband responds to questions that ask for a yes-or-no answer with verbiage not helpful to the question, or he doesn’t answer. There are many more examples.
In a quiet time when I explain my concerns, he says, “You’re right, I’m just a [bleep]-up.” I say of course not; let’s move forward in harmony as the great team we are. Change is hard to come by. Numerous sticking points. I wish I had more tools to foster cooperation. Should I settle?
