We moved in together. Cue the prying into our future. Hax readers give advice.
We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question.
Dear Carolyn: I’m a bi woman in my 30s, and I recently moved in with my male partner. It seems like this combination of events issued an immediate signal to everyone in our lives to start the clock: parents dropping hints, well-intentioned co-workers asking innocently if I expect any “big changes” after the trip we’re planning in the fall. At a wedding recently, someone seated at our table got everyone’s attention before turning to us and asking, “So, when are you two planning on doing this?”
The truth is, for most of my life, the answer would have been “Never.” I’m happy in the relationship and confident in the future, but it feels like there’s no room for who we actually are as a couple in the script everyone seems determined to force on us. We’ve developed a couple of bland responses to this kind of thing (“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see!” or “Wow, what a personal question”), but the outside pressure is making it hard to see what I actually want. I can’t tell if I’m truly adverse to all the trappings and rituals, or if I just don’t want to feel like I’m caving to outside pressure.
On top of all this, I’m struggling to talk to my partner about it because marriage feels like Beetlejuice — mention it too many times, and it appears before I really want it to. How do I create more space to just enjoy being together and get more in touch with how I feel?
