Quick question:
How long have you been with your bank?
Five years? Ten? Since your mom drove you there in middle school and they gave you a lollipop and a savings account?
Now the follow-up question:
What has that loyalty gotten you?
Think hard.
A free toaster? No, that was your grandpa’s generation.
A thank-you card? A birthday email, maybe? A single dollar of appreciation?
Nothing. It’s gotten you nothing.
Actually, I take that back. It’s probably gotten you LESS than nothing, because somewhere in those years your bank has almost certainly dinged you with a maintenance fee, a minimum balance fee, or an overdraft fee that turned a $4 coffee into a $39 mistake.
You’ve probably been paying for the privilege of letting them hold your money.
A $12 monthly maintenance fee is $144 a year.
Do that for a decade and your “free checking account” has quietly eaten $1,440 of your money.
For what? For existing? Your bank charged you rent to store the money THEY get to lend out and profit from.
That’s like that one friend you had in high school who made you do their homework so you could sit at the cool table while they made of you.
And here’s the wild part.
People will switch phone carriers over a free hot dog at a tailgate tent. They’ll even drive 15 minutes out of the way for gas that’s 6 cents cheaper.
But their bank? The single most important account in their financial life?
“Eh, switching sounds hard.”
It’s not 2004. You’re not closing an account by fax. Setting up a new account takes minutes, and moving your direct deposit is a form.
Most payroll systems let you do it yourself online without ever speaking to a human, which I know is the real dealbreaker for half of you antisocial bastards and gen z weirdos.
The real reason people stay is inertia.
And banks KNOW that. They’re counting on it. Your laziness is a line item in their revenue projections.
So let me give you a reason to fight the inertia.
Here’s the short version:
Chime is a financial technology company that offers a checking account with:
- No monthly fees
- No minimum balance fees
- No overdraft fees
That alone puts it ahead of whatever fee-happy relationship you’re currently trapped in.
And with a qualifying direct deposit, members may get access to things like getting paid up to two days early and SpotMe, which can cover eligible debit card purchases up to your approved limit without overdraft fees.
Now for the part that should actually snap you out of autopilot:
Right now, when you sign up through my link and complete the qualifying direct deposit activities, you can earn up to $350 in bonuses.
Yes. Three hundred and fifty dollars. For switching where your paycheck lands.
Your current bank has had YEARS to give you a reason to stay. Chime’s offering you $350 to leave.
Click here to snag some free money.
The fine print, because I will always give you the fine print:
The bonus is “up to” $350, and it’s tied to receiving qualifying direct deposits over time. You don’t get handed $350 for downloading an app. Read the terms on the offer page. Understand the requirements. Then decide.
And please, be a functioning adult about this.
Don’t open an account, never set up direct deposit, and then email me confused about where your money is. The requirements are the requirements.
But if you’re already planning to switch, or you’ve been white-knuckling a bank account that treats fees like a subscription service you never signed up for, getting paid to make the move is about as good as it gets.
The bigger lesson here: Every company you do business with should earn your money. Your bank included. If they're not earning it, someone else will.
Stop confusing "I've always banked here" with "this is a good place to bank."
One is a habit. The other is a decision.
Make decisions.
Taquitos,
Caleb "Loyalty Program" Hammer
P.S. The average person doesn't leave a bad bank because switching feels like work.
Fifteen minutes of "work" for up to $350 and no more junk fees is the best hourly rate you'll earn all year.
Do the work Pookie.
