Romance readers have always understood the assignment: Fall hard, feel everything, and believe in the happily-ever-after. But for bestselling author Elsie Silver, love stories are about more than swoony heroes and perfect endings. They’re also about communication, vulnerability, independence, and the decidedly less cinematic work of choosing each other over and over again.
We caught up with Elsie to talk about romance on- and off-the-page, what writing love stories has taught her about her own marriage, and why a happily-ever-after doesn’t require perfection.
The romance genre is sometimes dismissed as frivolous. Why do you think stories centered on women's desires and happiness have been underestimated?
I think that historically our society really hasn't put much value on anything that centers women's desires and happiness. But that doesn't mean the demand hasn't been there. Smart, capable, independent women have been reading romance books for generations. This isn't a new phenomenon; it's just that only now are we culturally catching up. I would say that women are a wildly underserved audience when it comes to media in general, and businesses are starting to pay attention to the audience. This is especially true as women begin to make their mark in industries and professional positions historically held by men.
What has writing romance taught you about real-life relationships?
How important communication is. It's something we're all told is integral to a good relationship (and I also think it's one of the biggest challenges in most people's relationships). But even as I write, I swear I can almost feel the two characters falling in love the more I make them talk to each other or share their feelings in an open and honest way. There's something very vulnerable about opening up to another person, and it's integral to building trust between two people, as well as learning about that person and how their mind works.
Is there a relationship habit that sounds completely unromantic but has actually made your marriage stronger?
Yeah, both of us really support and create space for the other to pursue their own passions or hobbies. Of course we love spending time together, but I think it's so, so important to make space for each of us to forge our own identities outside of who we are as a couple. We both value our alone time and don't hold it against the other when we need it. Maybe I'm out of town at a horse show for two weeks, but then he does a bike trip with friends for two weeks. We work hard to carve those opportunities into our schedule and then reciprocate by picking up the slack around home to make it possible.
Has anything from your real marriage ever quietly made its way into one of your books?
At the very beginning of us seeing each other, when we hadn't really defined what we were to each other, I worked up the nerve (after a couple of drinks) to ask him if he was seeing anyone else. I remember him sort of chuckling and lookin