| Dear Carolyn: My daughter has a friend whose mother is unbearably pushy and demanding about setting up playdates. She asks about dates weeks away. If I say we are busy, she brings up several follow-up date requests so we can just get time on the calendar. Mind you, these are not toddlers anymore, but 9- and 10-year-old girls. I always deflect and ask my daughter if she wants to do this, because she should be guiding her social activities. This latest time, my daughter made a face and said she’d rather not, so I passed along that my daughter was busy at the requested time. In response, I got a barrage of texts asking me what was wrong, did she do anything, she wanted to know so that it didn’t keep our daughters apart. I wimpily said there were no issues, but I can’t make plans weeks in advance and we were just busy. So in response, she texted about five other dates, asking if she could take my daughter. She is also hyper-involved in their playdate activities, typically taking them to cafes and restaurants. She also once met my child and my child’s caregiver when she knew they were out — after I told her my daughter couldn’t play — and grabbed my daughter to take her out to eat. She didn’t seem to understand why it was a problem because the sitter said okay and she is used to making arrangements with nannies. She clearly isn’t taking the hint, so do I need to hit her over the head with it? I do worry about mean girl reactions at school from this mother-and-daughter combo. — Anonymous | 
